Koishii Waga

In case you're wondering about the title. It translates into "My Beloved" in Japanese. And yes, I do love the Japanese and enjoy learning their language. But the reason I post that is because I have been thinking about my Koishii all day long today. I have no idea why. I guess maybe it's because he's been really supportive of me the past couple of weeks as I have struggled through them. My great-grandfather just died last Thursday, and most of the people in this house have been at each other's throats because of it. For me, I have a tendency to be really empathic, meaning I can literally feel peoples strong emotions, and i don't do well with rage, or sorrow at all.

Last week, during Spring Break, everything seemed like it was alright. then the fighting began and it seemed as if we weren't a family anymore as people weren't talking to other people. I started to break down as I was sucked into the middle of it all, even though nobody fought with me because of my sensitivity. People I talk to online watched my normally happy mood, shift into one of anger, pain, and sadness. The one who noticed the most was my beloved, Maxie.

It was our 4 month anniversary on the 29th of March, and to celebrate it we talked all day. You see. He moved away from me on the day we were supposed to meet. He now lives an 8 hour drive to Appleton, Wisconsin. However, I could nearly feel his warmth around me as I broke down one day after there was nothing but fighting. I couldn't stand it anymore, and he kept me from doing something stupid. He let me spill out my problems onto him, where I would normally have kept them to myself.

But today. I called him when I got home, and he sounded alright at first. But he grew quieter and quieter. He insisted that it's because he's been really tired lately. I'm not so sure about that though. He seems rather down lately and won't tell me why. I can't do anything but try and make him smile, but that grows weaker and weaker as his own depression begins to settle in to stay.

By May 29th, we plan to meet again for our six month anniversary, and we are both extremely excited, if only his mother would allow him to do so.

I just wanted to let out how much I appreciate him and love him, even if he is not here to read this. My thoughts about him seem never ending. And I hope it stays this way forever.

Aisheteru, Koishii. Aisheteru...