News

Well... I managed to finally talk to Maxie yesterday and we aren't fighting anymore... That's good at least. I am still being an insomniac and I'm starting to get sick because of it... Right now my entire body is starting to go numb and I'm starting to drift off. I hope my mom comes and gets me like I asked her to...

I'm having a bit of trouble thinking. And it's because since Friday I've gotten maybe 12 hours of sleep.... 12 hours in 6 days. Oh yeah that like... 2 hours a night.... That's really bad. I'm starting to wonder why I'm even here today... Oh yeah... My absenses. I have too many of them already. I need to make them up as soon as I can, and I will once I get better... But this is getting ridiculous... My lack of sleep is messing with me more than anything else usually would... I need to sleep.... I know I do because I've heard from 4 people today that I need to go home. I'm too pale... Honestly I'm starting to feel sick from lack of it... I have no energy and my head hurts...

But then again... I'm a teenager, and maybe I just complain too much... According to my grandmother that's all it is. I don't have a lack of sleep.... Just like I don't have depression or other things. I must be perfectly happy... I must be perfectly healthy... I haven't been sick it's all in my head... I'm just not sleeping because I'm not active enough during the day.

Well ya know what? I'm no less active than I have been in the past 4 months... And I was sleeping fine.... Just like I have shrunk 4 inches from "Lack of excersize" I'm also not sleeping now from "Lack of excersize" Guess I need more excersize...

Okay now I am seriously rambling. Sleepy thoughts... Not good for me. Z.Z Nappy time.

Post Secret

What do you think every day, but never say to other people?

I really don't think much that I don't say. I do tell people what I think, because I think if something crosses my mind about someone or something. I say it. Even if it's completely random....

Like...



Oh yeah. That's the beauty of random thoughts. But the postsecret site is actually a pretty good idea I think. There is a humorous site kinda like it. icanhascheezburger.com lol cats and dogs are the best.

30 posts and some news

This is my 30th post on this blog... Which symbolizes that I have no life other than my computer really. Ah the love of technology.

Anyways... It's me and Max's 5 month anniversary today... This is a big deal to me and the stupid bastard is being a selfish baby! We got into an argument on Friday about his attitude and how I wasn't going to take it. There was no reason for him to be so damn snappy with me in the first place, even after I was being nice and let him go on a date with someone else. We have an open relationship, but when it came time for me to ask him if I could go out with someone who I will never see because this person lives in Pennsylvania, He got crabby with me and was being stupid about it all. I told him that if he was going to continue his behavior not to talk to me. We didn't speak much for the rest of the weekend. I called on Sunday to see if he wanted to talk and the bastard had turned his damn phone off!

I have left voicemail messages and text messages but he won't respond. He hasn't turned his phone back on at all. It's really starting to piss me off and I am about ready to leave him a message saying that if he doesn't call me back I'm not going to just sit around and wait for his ass. I'm done playing his damn game.

Don't get me wrong... I love the kid more than anything on this planet... But I'm worried about him... I'm starting to think that he doesn't care as much as he used to... That he doesn't want to be committed to me any longer... I miss him... I miss his voice, his laughter... Hell I even miss his angered tone...I don't care if he's screaming at me... I just want to talk to him... So much for a happy fucking anniversary....

Beauty pictures belated

This is a picture I took as an assignment, but I thought that the frosted grass in the morning sunlight was one of the best kinds of natural beauty.

This is just a picture I thought was pretty. I know it has really dark meaning, but the colors really work well.

Not much to say. Zero is amazing and the art of the entire vampire knight series is so amazing as well.

Akito from Air gear is one of my cutest subjects. I didn't draw this picture, but it is one of my favorites of him.
This is a picture of the mirror on my dad's truck I took with my cell phone last September. The colors of the sunset amaze me.


Motorcycles... Some of the most amazingly beautiful things on the planet to me. Even the sound is amazing.
This picture is just beautiful. I love the natural purple/blue color of the mountains.

Life in progress

So, for today, I'd like you to write about someone that you know and care about in life (could even be you) whose life is still in process, but they perhaps have made PROGRESS.

I have a friend. His name is Kyrarei odd name I know. We call him Kyra. He's amazing. He's changed so much for the better. But to get to know why I would type about him, you first have to understand my relationship to him

My friend Aerin was found by him when he was 16. But I'm not talking about Aerin right now, maybe later, because I often type things about him just not on here. Anyways. Kyra introduced him to many things, most of which illegal.

Kyrarei was still in his sophomore year of high school at 17 and wasn't going to do any better. He was lazy and was one of those kids that never showed up to class, never turned in his homework and would always disobey the school dress code. He was a rebel through and through. He smoked, he had as many girls as he wanted, and got into fights. He dropped out later that year. School was too easy for him. He got his GED 6 months later with excellent marks.

Kyra was not stupid, but his behavior and actions were. He was a thief, and still kind of is. After he dropped out, he was caught doing heroin. He was arrested, but they didn't have enough to hold him. Kyra had tried everything at least once. Acid, Heroin, Cocaine, Ecstasy, Weed. You name it he did it. He soon grew quickly addicted. He was always high and always in need of a fix. One day, he realized what he was doing. It just kinda... Clicked. He quit everything, but his withdrawl symptoms were so horrible he was put in the hospital where they shot him up and slowly weaned him off of it.

He was a lot better after stopping the srugs, but the alcohol and the women remained. And soon, he became abusive to Aerin, who was still very sensitive about things. Kyra was an avid street racer and would often get arrested for reckless driving and such. Soon enough, Aerin removed his supply of alcohol and limited it to two bottles of vodka a week instead of two bottles an hour. He didn't know how to handle that and became quite abusive again.

Soon though, the change in him began. Aerin threatened to turn him in and leave him. That seemed to bring him back down to reality and he calmed his behavior a bit. He helped Aerin graduate from High school with Honors. From there, he began to look at colleges and once more got a job. The two of them moved from California to Minnesota. They got a nice apartment and both of them succeeded in getting jobs. aerin began looking at colleges, though he didn't want to start in one.

Kyra always had the dream to become an art teacher. He and Aerin got engaged and he stopped womanizing, his drinking has nearly diminished. He has been accepted to a private art school. He is doing very wewll. The two of them are getting a house and are plannign to get married in a few years. They are moving to North Carolina when Kyra is done with school. He's doing much much better and barely ever even smokes weed anymore.

Lyrics- Resonance

This is more for my own use than for anyone elses. I collect Lyrics and don't have these yet lol.

Original Japanese

Tsunaida tamashii no hi ga mune wo sasu nara
Kotoba yori motto tsuyoi hibiki ga ima kikoeru ka

Roku ni me mo awasazu unmei ni made karandeku
Yukisaki moro kabutteru kuenai yoru wo hashire

Fukaoi shi sugita mabushisa ga
Warui yume ni tsuzuite mo

Tsunaida tamashii no hi ga mune wo sasu nara
Kotoba yori motto tsuyoi hibiki ga ima kikoeru ka

Deatta wake wa dou datte ii hikitsukerarete
Fureta shunkan no kizu no bun dake tashika ni nareru

Uso mo gisou mo aru yoreta sekai wo keritsukete
Morotomo bukkowareso na muchuu no hate ga mitai

Hitori ni shinai to tsukamu te wa
Yasashisa kara toosugite

Subete wo yakusoku dekiru asu wa nai kara
Kinou yori chotto mashi na kizuna wo shinjite miyou ka

Tsunaida tamashii no hi ga mune wo sasu nara
Kotoba yori motto tsuyoi hibiki ga ima kikoeru ka

Deatta wake wa dou datte ii hikitsukerarete
Fureta shunkan no kizu no bun dake tashika ni nareru

English Lyrics

Translation Resonance

If the lamplight of connected souls points toward your heart Can you hear a resonance stronger than words now? Our eyes barely even meet, but our fates are intertwined Our destinations are exactly the same, so run through the unbearable night alongside me Even if the radiance that we chased too far Continues into bad dreams If the lamplight of connected souls points toward your heart Can you hear a resonance stronger than words now? I don't care about the reason for why we met, but by the number of wounds Of when we are entranced by and touch each other, it can become certain Kick away the twisted world where lies and disguises exist I want to see the end of various fascinations that seem fragile The arm grasping me, saying, "I won't leave you alone" Is too far away from kindness Because there's no tomorrow that can promise everything Won't you try believing in a bond slightly better than yesterday's? If the lamplight of connected souls points toward your heart Can you hear a resonance stronger than words now? I don't care about the reason for why we met, but by the number of wounds Of when we are entranced by and touch each other, it can become certain

Always a good song. And another that represents me so this post I guess serves double purpose.

Misc. Note

I have no internet at home anymore so all of the typing I need to do on here will be done here. At school.... I miss having internet on my laptop at home. I really miss being able to do everything. Posting... uploading my pictures. but I did finally get a decent flash drive. Thank god for that! I am going to be uploading all... I mean like literally all 6000 some odd pictures on to it lol.

Excited

Omg! I want it to be tomorrow!!!! >.< 5 whole months!!! 5!!! That's amazing for me really. It really truly is... I just wish the stupid brat would answer his damn phone! Arg! I hate him sometimes... I miss him so much. I want to talk to him but he's being stupid because of a tiny argument that didn't even have anything to do with me... well. I suppose in a way it did. But still... It wasn't my fault. And I want him to know that I'm sorry. But he's being stupid and won't turn his phone back on. I need to talk to him. It's not just a wish anymore.

Tomorrow symbolizes 5 months of me and my Maxie being together... For both of us that seems to be a long time. I only ever have had relationships last for 3 months, which is about normal for him as well, but he's had one's in the years stage. Both of us hope to spend our lives together.... But he needs to answer his phone so I can wish him a happy anniversary but he won't answer.... I miss him.... I'll type more about this tomorrow...

Music

For me, music is one of the most important things out there. I am to used to having headphones in my ears that i can't feel them there and most people have to remind me that they're there when they are talking to me or when I got to a restaurant or movie.

There are certain songs that I listen to all of the time, and certain songs that I think represent me as a person, and my music changes all of the time, but if I was to put it on here, well... There would be about 200 hours or so of it...

At the moment. The song "Nervous Breakdown" that I previously posted the lyrics to is my favorite and most represents me. More or less that song and the song "Call and Return" by Hellogoodbye represent me and my yearning for my Aijin, Max. There are more. But yeah. Those two just stick out the most.

I was in choir for at least the past 6 years before I moved here. I do miss it, and I miss my amazing choir teacher Mr. Fiskum. He was awesome and hilarious. Every time I hear one of the songs we may have sang in Choir, I remember the good times I had. I love to sing, but I am very nervous about doing so in front of people I don't know. Even in front of people I do know most of the time, unless I have headphones on and don't even realize I'm singing until someone tells me to be quiet. That's so embarrassing....

What beauty is to me

What is beautiful to you? Who is beautiful to you? What does beautiful sound, smell and taste like? Do you believe in inner beauty? Do you believe a person becomes more beautiful with time and why?


Beautiful. Now that's a word. To me, beauty is the natural things in the world. Sunsets, the ocean, summer time, friendship, love. All of these things are beautiful. But in relation to human beauty, I still believe that natural is best. People who cover themselves in make-up, get cosmetic surgery. That bothers me. People are supposed to be imperfect. It's just what we are.

Beautiful.My Maxie is beautiful to me. He has a very kind soul and heart. I do only see the inner beauty in people, and maybe that's why I get so confused when people look at me strangely. You can never see yourself as other people do. And I am only able to see what people look like on the inside. I am different that way. I have met some people that are drop dead gorgeous on the outside, but I didn't see it, and thought they were the ugliest people on the planet. Why? Because they were cruel, unaccepting,and arrogant of the culture around them.

As you get to know someone, they get to be more beautiful, you get to know their personality more. To me, that's what makes a persona beautiful. Personality, spirit, heart and mind. I could care less what they look like. They will always be beautiful.

Ha!

I have a killer headache. Probably the little devil child.... He is a demon I swear.... Here i can prove it. See? Just look at that. That is him on a 24/7 basis. Yes. He does that all the time... Guess how old he is?

Anyways. I finally got to see the house. I like it, though it needs to be painted. 3 bedrooms. but I have the entire basement to myself for now.

Like the music I added? I'm so proud of myself for it. It's TMRevolution and Abingdon Schools boys. Both of which have the same lead singer, Takanori Nishikawa. He is amazing. Anyways. I listen to this stuff on a daily basis and figured it should be added as a part of me.

Wiki

The teenager book. I like that idea. I made my first post to it now... And it's one of those things that just came out of nothing. One of those things that when I read through it I wonder about how I need to take my own advice. One of those things.... I have no idea what part of my brain it came from. I have no idea how long it's been there, just waiting for the opportunity to arise where it could escape... I know many people need these words. Many people need to hear how to learn about a teenager. But they don't ask the teenagers... They ask, get this, other adults, doctors, psychiatrists, psycologists, adults. Why not turn and ask the Teenagers their own opinions? We have that right don't we? We have the ability to think on our own don't we? Sometimes I think that the adults would be so much better off if they would listen to us....

Extra credit article

Are you Kidding me? Strip searching a 13, CATCH THAT? 13!!!! Year old. GIRL none the less. That is ridiculous! Absolutely ridiculous! I can understand that having prescription meds with you is a bad idea in whatever case, But I myself most of the time carry ibuprofen with me. You know why? I have to. Hell they are lucky it's not friggin vicadin! I am strongly against the fact that they would have someone strip search a 13 year old, or anybody for that matter, in a school! That is utterly inappropriate. Hell. If the girl had the ibuprofen on her, it would have made a noise. Pills in a bottle, or any container make a noise. Just listen hard enough for the noise people.

It's utterly insane and immoral. I barely agree with the metal detectors in school! What ever happened to the time, like... not long ago cuz my dad did this and he went to school in the 70's and 80's, the kids had pocket knives. Get that? Pocket knives!Butterfly knives, switchblades. Hell they made shuriken in metal shop! They made swords, throwing knives, hell they could have guns in their car if they were going hunting after school! If there was a problem between kids they were allowed to fight it out! Not take it to a counselor or the principal. No. Someone said something wrong, you punched them. End of story there.

I'm not saying that that is the right thing to do. But the restrictions on schools is so utterly ridiculous now. I know someone who was expelled. Yeah. EXPELLED from school because some freshman told the principal he was making a bomb just to get back at him for calling him a name he didn't like. They had no proof he was making a bomb, but because of that he was expelled. He had to be homeschooled because there was only one school in that area. Now that is just as stupid as this case here.

So she has prescription strength medication, ever thought she might need it? Girls have the wonderful thing of menstral cramping. I need something a lot stronger than ibuprofen... morphiene vicadin, trazodine. Oh yeah. I miss school because of that shit. But if I really think I'm gonna need it, I bring it with. Screw what the schools think is right. If I need it, it needs to be right there in my pocket so I can take it before the pain starts, rather than after I am unable to move.

This girl was most likely completely humiliated, as most girls that age are extremely shy of their changing bodies. And they had no right to expose her like that. None. A young human mind is one of the most unstable things on the planet, especially when they are pubescent. I am sorry but I don't think that this is a good way to accomplish anything other than humiliation. If she was unstable, I just hope she can pick herself and her humility back up before she thinks of suicide, because many people I know would choose that over being humiliated like that again...

Ahh the power of smell....

What are the scents in your life that are powerful? Why? What are the scents in your life?

To me, scent makes a person. Everyone has their own unique scent that makes them who they are, even if they don't realize it. No. I am not talking about body odor... Yech. I mean a different scent. For people who smoke, it's always covered by that, and I can't stand that. I have a very sensitive sense of smell, and every time I hug someone, I take in their scent, much like a dog would. Though my sense of smell is no where near as powerful as a dog's is, it's still stronger than most.

I know some people that to me, either smell like mint, bubblegum, flowers, even something that smells like Axe Phoenix, despite the fact that he never uses cologne. To me, the strongest scents are the ones from garlic and such, but the strong smell of garlic or onions or something like that makes my nose burn. As does toothpaste on most occasion.

The most intruiging scent to me is that of spearmint, either pure or in gum form. It has a sweet yet spicy scent that is damn near intoxicating. Also, the scent of jut the people I care for. My grandmother has a sweet scent to her, though it may be the perfume, I recognize it immediately, where as my grandfather smells of the sweet cigars he always smokes. I have a slightly fiery scent, mostly when I've been outside, I start to smell like I've been by a bonfire.

That's another thing that smells wonderful. Fire. Smoke. Not like cigarette smoke, but the smoke from and outdoor bonfire. Also the smell of the forest, or a river, or a waterfall. Even the smell of fresh leaves on a tree. Rain and freshly cut grass. All of these scents are powerful to me. And I cherish the ability to be able to smell them. Though being in the city where it is more polluted makes such things harder. To me, rain used to smell like exactly what it was. Rain. Water on grass, water on skin. Now it smells like oil, gasoline... Cars. I hate the smell of cars. I always have to have a window open, even if it is below zero. It has to be cracked or I get sick really easily.

It's not motion sickness, but the smell of being in a car... Feels like I'm being strangled. I'm so glad that it's finally warm enough to have my window open again.....

Lyrics to my newest Favorite

Tell me why, you never gonna take the ride,
Don't know why, you never gonna stay in sight,
I just wanna know what the hell is goin' down

What can I do to make you feel right,
What kinda fool if I make you cry,
Give me a break!
You'd better change your stupid ways,
Before I go away

I just wanna hold you tight,
I just wanna feel your sigh,
Wanna be with you tonight,
So baby, don't let me down
I know how to satisfy,
I know you want me tonight,
Never show me what's inside,
You cause my nervous breakdown…

Time is right, I'm gonna get you playin' high,
It's alright, I'm gonna get you shinin' bright,
Really wanna know what the hell you're feelin' now

What can I do to make you feel right,
What kinda fool if I make you cry,
Give me a break!
You'd better change your stupid ways,
Before I FADE away

I just wanna treat you right,
I just wanna see your eyes,
Wanna kiss you through the night,
So baby, don't let me down
I know how to satisfy,
I know you want me tonight,
Never show me what's inside,
You cause my nervous breakdown…

You drive me crazy,
Soon I will make you down…

Tell me why, you never gonna take the ride,
Don't know why, you never gonna stay in sight,
Give me a break!
You'd better change your stupid ways,
Before I go away

I just wanna hold you tight,
I just wanna feel your sigh,
Wanna be with you tonight,
So baby, don't let me down
I just wanna treat you right,
I just wanna see your eyes,
Wanna kiss you through the night,
I know how to satisfy,
I know you want me tonight,
Never show me what's inside,
You cause my nervous breakdown…

Nervous Breakdown- Abingdon School Boys.


This is amazing. This is a Japanese band and the entire song is literally in English! And it actually sounds amazing too! Look it up if you don't believe me.

Earth Day

So, let's hear it, in what ways are you an eco-friendly person? How is your life a little bit green? How important to you are issues related to global warming, pollution, recycling and the like?

Ironically enough it's my dad's birthday today. And I am usually not a very eco-friendly person, as I am not apt on recycling, but I do it when I can. Global warming, in my mind, is a natural cycle of the earth. Yeah sure, because of pollution and what not we may be speeding up that process, but it is what it is. Nature. It will always be just that. A natural phase of the planet. As for me, my mother works for a recycling company, eco-friendly. I was out helping them today with a garage sale type of thing. As well as some other things. But as for being "eco-friendly" I don't think there is such a thing for someone who spends as much time on the computer as I do.

Sigh

I just realized how screwed I am... I haven't told my mother yet that I am leaving early to go to my dads... I'm leaving on Thursday at around 3, my dad is picking me up here at school because there will be no time to do it on Friday. She will either call the cops on him for a kidnapping charge, again, or call the cops on me for a runaway charge, again... I am 17 years old! I have rights don't I? Especially to my parents! At least that's what you'd think. But no. I "have no rights to him". Why? because he can't afford to pay child support anymore? But yet he provides me with more than she does. He has never failed in getting me something I've wanted. I have steak for dinner everytime I am up there. I have a roof over my head. Is that not support? He gave me my laptop, my first and second mp3 players. Is this not support as well? Besides, the last check she got she used on HER wedding. Like hell I can use that!

She can piss off. I'm going on Thursday with my PARENT! Not some worthless man. but My DAD! That's right. Piss off woman. Let me make my own decesions! He's my parent too!

Something to do

Alas... I sit here... Bored.... Well alright, not really bored seeing as how I just added a whole bunch of stuff to the side of my blog thingy....... over there. Yeah that's right. Follow the arrow. ---------->

Anyways. I dunno. I customized it a little with stuff that's important to me. My dog, My Aijin, and of course astronomy pictures. And my link list is now home to two of the most important websites to me.

Check them out. They are amazing.

Oh! my mom got home from Arizona yesterday and I got an awesome ring! It's surgical stainless steel! Amazingly awesome. I have no idea what else to type about really. I have two different colored headphones at the moment because they are both missing the opposite headphone so I am using a splitter lol. I dunno. Bored. I want to go onto my site and post...... Like really bad.... I want to talk to my Aijin... But his phone might be off....like... literally. his grandmother didn;t pay the bill even though he gave her the money to... And his computer is broken. He fried his motherboard. How the hell he did that no one knows....

I want ramen... or caffiene... or both... Almost lunch time so yeah i will get those... But i still realy want to go post!! >.< Arg... Thesty needs to reply!!! Oh yeah, I got Thesty's and roxy' phone numbers. I am the best. Oh yeah! My texting buddehs!!!

Earliest Memories

So, what was your first childhood memory? Separating your current feelings about your parents from that time of your life, what do you recall about your parents from that time of life?

I have a horrible memory... I mean that. it's very hard for me to remember anything from my childhood. maybe it's because my childhood was not one filled with happiness. My parents were only together since I was around 2 or 3... It was hard for both of them. Lots of court, lots of separation, lots of things that are better not to talk about.

The only thing I really remember from my childhood only comes in chunks and pieces. I can remember my kitten when I first got him. He was just that, a kitten, he was a stray that continually got into the window of my apartment, so one day, we kept him. We named him Merlin because he kept getting into the window no matter how many times we redid the screens. I remember the night he ran up into a car engine. he hated the water and both me and my mom got completely scratched up when we tried to bathe him to get the oil off.

With my dad, I remember we went to California for my golden birthday, though I only remember parts of it. There was a beach with black sand, which was weird. I remember there was a man completely painted silver, and he didn't move. I thought he was a statue, until I went up and poked him. He jumped and I ran back to my dad crying. I remember we went to a seafood restaurant. The one thing I remember from that trip though is that we all got sick. We were staying with my aunt and uncle and my aunt gave us all food poisoning, but she didn't eat any.

Other than that, I really don't remember much from my childhood until I was like... 11 or 12 or so. Maybe something bad happened and I've blocked it out, but I really can't remember. My parents fought a lot then, and I rarely got to see my dad. I'm making up for that now, or trying to...

My Weekend

Okay! i haven't yet posted anything about what has happened over my weekend. Well, I got my friend Devin over and she brought her xbox 360 and resident evil 5, which had not yet been opened because someone ruined her previous disk and she had to go get a new one. But still.... R...E....5!!!!!!! I am, among other things, a Resident Evil fanatic! My boyfriend has threatened to take my RE4 and break it into a million pieces, burn it, then scatter it's ashes across the universe. I told him he'd have to buy me a new one if he did that cuz I would be sad.... He was easily defeated in that argument.

Anyways! I succeeded in beating that game in 2 days, without a partner, as anyone who knows RE5 knows you can do a co-op throughout the whole game and if you don't the computer player is like.... stupid...

So! I was really proud of myself. Also! I won't be in school on Wednesday or Friday this week because of some things I have to do. On Thursday I'm going up to St.Cloud to help my dad move to the new house. They get to start moving stuff in on Friday.

AND IN CASE MY MOTHER READS THIS!!!! I HAVE JUST AS MANY RIGHTS TO HIM AS EITHER OF YOU HAVE TO ME END OF STORY!

Sorry. Random outburst. Me and my mother argue a lot lately now. And it's always over stupid stuff. I'm 17 and she acts like I'm 2 or something. She needs to let me leave the house sometimes.

Oh well. I had a nice weekend, though my little brother "aka devil boy" was being a pain in the ass. And only because we threw the can of, get this alright, bugs. I mean, ants, worms, caterpillars, magots... BUGS! Ew >.< Well anyways me and devin threw it out of the car and he started throwing a fit becaue he wanted them. Too bad! No bugs in the car!

Other than that whole thing and being woken up at 6 that morning by him... thanks you brat... And no. He is 10, not 4... though he acts like it. No... scratch that. I swear the kid is mentally 2.

Oh yeah! i managed to find my friend's digital camera, so I have that now too seeing as how she said that she was giving up on guessing what it was that she was missing. I'll give it back to her the next time I see her, maybe.

UPDATE! I need new headphones, as I have worn through 5 pairs in the past like... 2 months.... Oh! And I have unlimited texting again!!! YAY!!! Go me!

The beginning question

Questions to reflect on: So, with many people blogging about their loved ones, dates and the like, I'd like to hear from each of you what your ideal date would be. What would be the coolest way to be pursued or asked out? What puts you off and what intrigues you?

My ideal date would be something simple really. So long as I get to spend time with him, I could really care less. First, though it's hard, we are yet again trying to convince his mother to let him come down for the weekend before Memorial Day. Our 6 month anniversary is on that weekend and we thought if we were able to share it together then all would be fine.

First, I would have to introduce him to my family, which both of us are dreading, mainly because they will tease us endlessly, but it has to be done. Then we have discussed going to a tiny place for dinner, mainly the restaurant my family owns, but that got thrown off because of a fire they recently had. So we have to find another little Italian joint.

I suppose from there we would go to a movie, I'm hoping for a horror, creepy, slasher film. We had planned to go see "My Bloody Valentine" when it was out, but that plan fell through. After the movie, we plan just to go somewhere and hang out, just to be together. If I get my way we will go to a beach or something, just because we both dream of living by the ocean. I'll have to go home after that, but hopefully he will stay for the whole weekend and I would be able to see him again the next day.

It was rather odd, just the way we went after each other. You see, I met Max on a forum site called Proboards, or rather one of the variations of it that I roleplayed on. In truth I've known him since around August or so, but you see, everyone on the site thought he was a girl, including myself. That was before I started really talking to him. In Novembr he decided to throw some pictures of himself onto the site, and everyone realized he was male. Soon, I got his Yahoo address and we talked on there.

After talking for a day or so, he had been complaining about the cold, wet "random weather state" that he lived in. All of this was in November, and I realized that it had been rather cold and wet for the past few days, but it could be the same in many other states. I asked him where he lived, and he gave me the responce that he lved in Richfield Minnesota. I had to kind of do a double take on that one, and responded that Minnesota was one of the most random weather states in the country. I told him that I lived there too.

I got his phone number and talked to him that night. We had a good time and talked until nearly 5 am, which is sad considering we only make it until around midnight now. The next day I had my friend stop over, and he decided to steal my computer when I was making lunch. He had told Max that I liked him, and he responded with a smile and a fact that he liked me too.

Once my friend went home I called Max again, and we talked for a few hours before I asked if he wanted to go out with me. He said no. I felt a little crestfallen, but listened to his reasoning before I spoke. He said he didn't know me well enough yet, so I had him ask whatever hewanted, and I would answer truthfully. I did the same to him. This carried on for another three hours before he asked me out. I said yes.

You see, Max is one of those unique people, who only looks at people for who they are on the inside. He couldn't care less about how I am, and every time I voice my concern, he laughs and tells me that no matter what he loves me. He said I intruiged him in a way that no one else ever had.

After 3 months he told me about the last girlfriend he had, and that he had planned on asking her to marry him, but that it fell through. I told him that he would find someone better that wouldn't hurt him so much. He laughed lightly and said he'd found that person already, and was just waiting for the right time.

There are things about him that do get me a little pissed off though, but everyone has that happen. Me and him have our arguments, but they are foolish and don't last very long as neither of us can stay mad at each other for very long. For him, it's the whole "I'll call you back when I get home" and then doesn't. It got to the point where I wouldn't call him, and no matter what he did, I wouldn't answer when he would call or text or IM me. I figured I would leave him out the way he did to me.

There is very little about him that I can't stand, the only other flaw is his family. Some of them I completely despise. Mainly his brother. And I don't really like his mom much either, but I have to get used to it, as hopefully someday, they will be my family too.

Many things about my Aijin ((lover in Japanese, yes new word)) intruige me. He can be very egotistical, but in a good way. He knows he's gorgeous, but doesn't rub it in to those that are less than him. Also, despite what he says, he is a little arogant. He has money being in the upper-middle to high class, wehre as I am almost as low class as they come. He doesnt' really act like he's rich, but he is a little arogant on occassion. He is polite and kind-hearted though, andeven sensitive, where most men hide their feelings from their loved ones, he chooses to confide in me.

I know hings about him that no one else does, just as he knows things about me. Though I know there are some things we hide from each other, everyone is entitled to their secrets and I will not press them from him. If he chooses to tell me, then so be it.

No mater how hard we try, we know when the other person is having a bad day, be it angry or sad. We can also sense each other's joy, and anxiety. No one knows me better than he does, just as no one knows him better than me. It has almost been 5 months, and it feels like we've been together for years. We know each other's dreams and visions, and we are so willing to support each other to reach those goals.

My Koishii... My Aijin.... My Maxie....

Aisheteru, Koishii, Aisheteru

Wiki Help!!!

Alright, I'm noticing that a lot of people are having trouble loading things onto their Wiki pages. I know how to do it now and I've uploaded 4 images. It's not really that complicated and I would be delighted to help anyone that wants it! Just come to me in either class or in a reply to this and i will seek you out and show you how.

That's really all for this time. Thanks!!

A new look to go with a new attitude

Yesterday I had a really good day. I was happy and I think that it may just be the fact that it's getting warm again. I mean... it's gonna be... 70 DEGREES!!! ABOUT FRIGGIN TIME!!!! Tee hee. I am so sick of the cold and the snow... I hate this state. -.-;

Anyways! Because of my happy mood lately, I have overly hyper and overly friendly. And yesterday. it happened. I was sitting at my computer and I knew my mother was getting her hair cut by my aunt. Now. My aunt is not a professional by any means, but he is very good and very talented. I was commenting on how good my mother looks, when she turned to me and I swear it! She smirked. "Oh, you should get your hair cut too! Seeing as how the last person didn't do it the way you wanted." And there I was, sitting in the chair, the haircut cape thing around my neck and getting 5 inches cut from the back of my head....

Do I like this hair cut? I dunno. It is what I wanted, but the front parts are a little shorter than I wanted. It is taking some getting used to. I realized I don't need as much shampoo and conditioner as I did. And I realized that I had to break the "ponytail" habit, as it is now too short to even reach the back of my head.

But I have gotten many many compliments on it... So it must be good right? Well... The true test will be tomorrow when I go with my dad. He's very critical about my hair for some reason... Heh. Though whatever he says won't get to me. I don't care. I do need to dye it again though, or get some of that colored gell to spike it in the back and change the color. That would be awesome... blue, purple, green, red... whatever.

Well that's about all I've got today!!! Thankies!!

Tech Article Prequestions and All!!!

WARNING! The prequestions are structured in a different way than the after article questions are. The first ones have just the numbers, where as the second set of questions have the answers right beneath them.

1. How are you and your teachers alike? 2. How are you and your teachers different? 3. What skills and talents do you have in common? 4. What talents and knowledge does your generation have that your parents and teachers might lack?


1.) Teachers and students are very alike in the fact that they both have to learn something new every single day. People learn things from each other every day, and no matter what happens, that makes humans, of every kind, very alike.

2.) Teachers and students are also different in the fact that teachers, all of them, have all been through high school before, they've done all of this before, and now it's the students turn and they should pay attention.

3.) Teachers, students, adults, everyone has similar talents, as well as different ones. Every person has the ability to learn, and everybody has the ability to react. Talents, such as high powered learning, good work ethics, and the ability to understand and analyze, are talents that every human on the planet has, be them teacher, student, adult, or child.

4.) I think that the kids now are very technologically advanced, more so than their parents, grandparents and such. The only reason for this is that kids were born into an age where technology is prominent. They learn how to use it more to their advantage and at a much earlier age than their parents were. Most of our parents were born when the first computers were just starting to be created, when the only e-mail service was Yahoo, and the World Wide Web, wasn't so much World Wide. Nowadays though, you can talk to people in other states, other countries, other continents, with the click of a button and the press of the keys on the keyboard, or the dialing of numbers on a cell phone. Though everybody is capable of doing these things, it is harder to learn them the older you are, which is why some adults, more so grandparents than parents, struggle with technology.

((Done with PreQuestions))


1. Identify yourself as either a digital immigrant or native and why?
I think that I am a digital immigrant more or less. I was a very sheltered kid and didn't really begin using the internet, or even a telephone until I was about 10. I didn't get a cell phone until I was 15, and I didn't get a computer in my own home until I was about 14. This means that I had to learn all of the ways of the internet, and I'm still trying to figure most of them out. I didn't get a myspace until last year, and I just got a facebook account 3 weeks ago or so.

2. Are all teens digital natives? Why? If they are not, why?
Most are, I don't doubt that, but it's not so much teens as it is the younger children, most of us had already been born before the internet browsers were made, where as the 6 and 7 year olds already have access to what we didn't when we were that age. Also, some teens are still very sheltered and do not have internet access at home, some may not even have a computer.

3. Are all adults digital immigrants?
Again, most are. Though there are some that are not. You have to take into consideration that our parents were born around the time of the creation of the Internet, and computers and cell phones. They learned how to use this technology, more than their own parents had.

4. What role do you think technology and the web should play in your education?
I think that accessing the Internet is a great resource for students and it should be utilized in school. Technology has much to offer kids, as well as teachers, who can find lesson plans from other teachers in other schools, in other countries, at the tips of their fingers.

5. Do you believe programs like APEX are an example of technology at work?
APEX is a type of technology. I do believe, being a part of it myself, that it offers a lot for students to learn. But I do believe that if teaching programs like this continue to escalate, maybe not this upcoming generation, but certainly the one after it, will be more likely to be schooled from the internet, versus having teachers and classroom settings.

6. How do you think growing up with technology has influenced your thinking and life?
Like I said previously, I didn't really "grow up" with technology, and have only really been in active part of it in the past 5-7 years. However, now I find myself expressing more through posting on threads on forum sites, and blogging and joining the different IMing applications and learning different languages, all on my own via the internet, which I now use every day. This has created issues at my house because my grandmother is insisting that it's "rotting away my brain". But is it truly worse than sitting and staring blankly at a television for four hours a day? Is that better than using my mind to creatively write on forum sites with other people, play interactive puzzle games, and talk to people in different states an countries? I personally think not.

7. How has NOT growing up with technology impacted the thinking of the older generations?
The older generations are more likely to sit and watch tv than join a conversation on the internet. They don't hate technology, but it does have a tendency to frustrate them as they are still in the process of learning how to use it. It takes longer to learn something the older you get.

8. & 9. Could you live without technology? How would its absence impact your day?
I have lived without technology. I have lived without electricity in general. Did it impact my life? A little, but I found something to busy my mind with by spending more time with my friends, or painting, or drawing, or writing, or simply listening to music. Now though, I could very possibly live without it, and probably should as the weather gets nicer and it's better to be outside rather than sitting in the house on my laptop. Though it would completely interrupt my current schedule, as I spend my entire evening on my laptop. But I am already without the cell phone that most teenagers love. I have one yes, but it only serves as a clock, a calendar, and a calculator.

Good to be Back

It's good to be back to school, though it's a bit boring today... Too much math!!! >.< I failed Geometry my second semester last year and that test was too much geometry! Oh well. I did what I could. Anyways! My right arm is really itchy! *scratches* no... I got sunburned a few days ago... Saturday I think, maybe Friday? I don't remember. Anyways! i have updates! I get to go to my dad's this weekend!! YAY!!! They finally moved into a house, and I have the ENTIRE basement to myself, and hopefully my adorable puppy Kai!!! Yay!!! No devil boy!!! *aka little demon brother* literally. His mother says we need to take him to a church and get him Exorcised. Heh.Anyways! i'm getting picked up right after school on Friday because we have to go to Foreston Minnesota... a small little town about 3 miles away from Milaca. Oh yes. Way up there.... Such a joyous ride that one will be....

Anyways! I found out, for any anime/ Death Note fans, that the L movie will be playing in Minneapolis for TWO DAYS ONLY!!!! Yes!!! This makes me happyful as I might get to go see it!!! It's on the 29th and 30th of this month in case anyone was wondering, though I doubt it. I do believe it is Live action... It will be in Japanese with English subs on the 29th and English dubbed on the 30th. Oh yeah that reminds me! My 5 month anniversary with my Maxie is coming up on the 29th as well! Though he says he won't go see the movie with me the stupid brat....

Well I think I've typed enough for now, though I will most likely be posting another blog when I get home mainly because I have no life and i wish to rant and rave about my beloved website again!!! Thesty finally joined and is POSTING!!! Oh...em....gee.... It is a FRIGGIN MIRACLE!!!

And yes... If you couldn't tell, i am rather hyper! THANK THE CREATORS OF MOUNTAIN DEW FOR MAKING THE WONDERFUL BLUE GOODNESS THAT IS VOLTAGE!

Tee hee. =^.^= <------ It's a kitty lol.

My 43 things

Well... there's a lot of explanation to be done for most of them, and eventually I will have a post on every single one of them... Why? Well because I have absolutely nothing better to do with my time! i know... Horrible... But I spend my life on the internet. I mean it... Ask my Grandma... I'm always freaking out when there is no internet. Anyways! here's the link!

http://www.43things.com/person/Kazureblue

Oh yeah. Read through that.... Go ahead. Laugh. Some of it is funny, some of it is serious, some of it is completely pointless, useless information. But you know what? I don't care. I could've kept going...

Sick Again

I hate this... I swear it never fails. maybe its because of my sensitivity to other peoples emotions and feelings? Maybe it's just the fighting and the stress. But it never fails. Every holiday, every... family gathering, there is always too much bloody drama!!!

This morning, I woke up with all intention of going in to school, despite the fact that I was up for half of the night feeling like I was on a ship and very dizzy. Today, I woke up at 8 in the morning, only to fall back in to bed and begin the shaking. I figured it might have been because I hadn't eaten yet, and made it miraculously down the stairs and to the kitchen, where I had a bowl of cereal. When the shaking didn't stop, I decided to go down to my mother and explain to her that it might just be the lack of sleep. So I went back to bed, waking up at around 12.

But the only problem was, I was still shaking. I didn't know why! I still don't know why, but the shaking is beginning to stop. I know have a slight headache, but that's probably because of the fact that I've been staring at the computer screen since about 3. I did manage to hit myself with a remote this morning.... that was interesting... anyways! I have no idea what to say as my head is pretty blank right now.

Koishii Waga

In case you're wondering about the title. It translates into "My Beloved" in Japanese. And yes, I do love the Japanese and enjoy learning their language. But the reason I post that is because I have been thinking about my Koishii all day long today. I have no idea why. I guess maybe it's because he's been really supportive of me the past couple of weeks as I have struggled through them. My great-grandfather just died last Thursday, and most of the people in this house have been at each other's throats because of it. For me, I have a tendency to be really empathic, meaning I can literally feel peoples strong emotions, and i don't do well with rage, or sorrow at all.

Last week, during Spring Break, everything seemed like it was alright. then the fighting began and it seemed as if we weren't a family anymore as people weren't talking to other people. I started to break down as I was sucked into the middle of it all, even though nobody fought with me because of my sensitivity. People I talk to online watched my normally happy mood, shift into one of anger, pain, and sadness. The one who noticed the most was my beloved, Maxie.

It was our 4 month anniversary on the 29th of March, and to celebrate it we talked all day. You see. He moved away from me on the day we were supposed to meet. He now lives an 8 hour drive to Appleton, Wisconsin. However, I could nearly feel his warmth around me as I broke down one day after there was nothing but fighting. I couldn't stand it anymore, and he kept me from doing something stupid. He let me spill out my problems onto him, where I would normally have kept them to myself.

But today. I called him when I got home, and he sounded alright at first. But he grew quieter and quieter. He insisted that it's because he's been really tired lately. I'm not so sure about that though. He seems rather down lately and won't tell me why. I can't do anything but try and make him smile, but that grows weaker and weaker as his own depression begins to settle in to stay.

By May 29th, we plan to meet again for our six month anniversary, and we are both extremely excited, if only his mother would allow him to do so.

I just wanted to let out how much I appreciate him and love him, even if he is not here to read this. My thoughts about him seem never ending. And I hope it stays this way forever.

Aisheteru, Koishii. Aisheteru...

100 word+ assignment thing

The article thing was interesting to read. First off, it told why teachers would post blogs, and why it helps students and teachers understand each other a little bit better through the blogging process. If you think about now, vs. say, a hundred years ago, the internet has created a way to overstep boundaries, and collect information from all over the world. It also instantly connects people from all over the world, as a few days ago I added someone from MSN that lives in Lithuania. Other than Instant Messaging, there is blogging. Blogging is basically an internet journal, which allows people to spread their minds to other people, and allows people to be free. You do have to be careful with information you put online, but that goes for anything. Like me. I never use my real name, but one of My characters names, and I have a lot of internet names.

Now, teaching blogging is important because it allows for people to connect in various ways. A teacher can post assignments, directions, and everything else, for both parents and students to look over, as well as the students may leave comments explaining that they don't understand it or that they might need extra help.

355 words

Parents may learn about how their child is doing in class, and teachers can check up about how their students are doing at home. It also helps when students are absent so they will know what is going on in class.

Also. Blogging makes people to create a better sense of self on the Web, creating a specific voice by allowing people to share their thoughts and obsessions and ideas. It makes some people look forward to writing more than they usually are, and takes a different look on exactly what normal discussion might leave out.

They offer better ways of discussion and speaking out without the chance of being interrupted or stuttering in nervousness, as some people, like myself, have a tendency to do. Blogging itself is a way for more people to communicate and understand each other, making new things together by understanding each other's thought processes.

Ah the Randomness Returns!

Ohayo gozaimasu!!! Means good morning in Japanese in case you didn't know. Yes, I am just posting one of these thingys for the hell of it! I feel like raving about the people I admire returning to my website, though absolutely nobody here knows what I am talking about! Anyways, I made a Forum based roleplay site via proboards.com over spring break. The idea was given to me from my friend Thesty, who I roleplayed with like... 4 years ago or so. I missed him... He was an excellent writer.

Well the site I made is a remake of the one we all started on. It's loosely based off of the Underworld series and of course, is about Vampyres and Lycans. However, this time it includes other races, like Shape Shifters. The site took me two days, which is record time, and tells me I have no life other than my computer. I did all of the html coding on my own, which I am extremely proud about because I am extremely bad at coding.

As such, I made all of the banners for the site myself, via Photoshop. Yay for Photoshop! XD Well. There were three people I used to roleplay with, and two of them joined this new site of mine, and I am excessively thrilled to have them back! Thesty is on his way to joining as well, which I am entirely ecstatic about, he is my favorite.

I have the most awesome character to top that! The Vampyre Lord himself on my site, Hariyen. He has the mentality of a sugar high 5 year old, and he has the attention span of a puppy or a goldfish. It makes things a little more interesting. Anyways!!! I don't know. This seems to take up most of my time at home and it's what I do there. Thought I'd leave a little insight to my life. If any of you want to check it out feel free. I'll leave a linky!

http://www.bloodvines.proboards.com

P.S. Roleplaying on a forum is like making a story with someone else, just in case you needed to know!

Ja ne!

((means "see you later" in Japanese))

Kazzie in a Nutshell

Here's my video!

Introducing the Spaztastic

Hiya everyone! This is Kazzie! I know I know, random name, hyper active behavior. Only online though where I actually have the ability to act as hyper as I want without all of the strange looks! ~.^ I am Female, and all of you people know me here by now. I moved her last quarter from somewhere far far away!!! I have a habit of getting off topic and being very ADD about some things, but I am very task oriented most of the time! I like to roleplay on some forum sites that I created using the wonders of Proboards! It's amazing! And in case you wonder about the name, I do vampyre ones, and yes, I know that Vampyre is spelled wrong. This is the old way of spelling it. Get used to it! XD Anyways, see there's that ADD thing kicking in. I love to type, finding it easier than writing on paper. And alas, the powers of the internet give me no life outside of it. But now I suppose this gives the people at my house a reason to back off of my "Brain melting" computer habits. Or so they say. So... I am a very friendly person, and I'm pretty open to everything. I do love to leave comments to things that other people have posted, and I love reading and writing. I'm usually on all of the IMing applications in existance at home though, so I get off track by those people. Yeah yeah. Off topic again I know I know. Anyways!!! Welcome to the spaztastic mind of Kazzie!