Lost Reason

More Lyrics. This song is inspiring to me and Max's situation right now... It's on the playlist at the top if anyone wants to listen to it.

I've been asking to myself,
What this crazy feeling means to me?
I need so much more than I can give
Trying not to think of you
Tell me where you have been hiding out
There must be something I can do

Suddenly, I realize the way to go from now on
I can see, now
Wanna do, I wanna do
Take you all the way now

You are the reason I'm alive
I can't take this any longer honey, please don't say goodbye
Remember the night I held you tight
Before you go make me cry
Can't you just change your mind?

I've been talking to myself,
What this dizzy feeling means to me?
You need so much more than you can give
Trying not to look for you
Tell me what you have been keeping up
There must be somewhere I can go

Finally, I realize the way to go from now on
I can feel, now
Wanna do, I wanna do
Take you all the way now

I am the reason you're alive
I can't take this any longer honey, don't leave me alone
Remember the night I held you tight
Before you go play on me
Speak with your true mind

Just one wish,
Before you deny yourself
Stay with me, till I get high enough

You are the reason I'm alive
I can't take this any longer honey,
Please don't say good-bye
Remember the night I held you tight
Before you go make me cry
Can't you just change your mind?　
Just one wish, before you deny yourself
Stay with me, till I get high enough

YAY!!!

OMG INTERNET!!!!!! I am so thrilled! Though so much has happened this summer where do I begin!? Well... Me and Max are still together, though just barely. We are planning to officially meet in a few weeks... Hopefully. We decided that we were going to start over and that we were gonna do it right this time.... Is it wrong for me to date a Freshman? Eh whatever I'm not 18 yet anyways.

Me and Axel are really close though now too, and if things don't work with Max at least I have him.

Uhh... My best friend Kaitie had to move to North Carolina with her dad because of her mother's sudden death... But I will be doing a seperate post for that. Kaitie gave me all of her paints as well as her $80 wireless router so I have internet everywhere in my house now.

So! Last Monday night... The 6th i think? Well whatever. I went back to my hometown of Big Lake and spent the evening with my friends. There was12 of us on a pontoon in the middle of the lake! It was so fun. It was just like old times! Such perverted jokes flying around and me and Kaitie were like the very center of attention the entire time because we were the ones that weren't coming back for a really long time.

The best part of that night was Kaitie had requested to sit on my lap bescause there wasn't a lot of room in the back of the boat. I said fine cuz she would have done it one way or another. Well we had some music going and she started dancing a little bit here and there. So of course, I had to call it to everyone's attention by shouting "Everyone look! Kaitie's giving me a lap dance!" Everyone's heads literally snapped to the back of the boat where we were. She just turned a bit and whapped the top of my head with the pizza box she was holding...

It was really fun that day though. We were in the water at the beach and i was tackled by 5 people or so, one of them kissed my cheek, Kaiti licked me, not to mention I was groped by nearly everyone. Is it odd that I actually miss that? Well... No. I have a few friends, but none I really stay in contact with. Only the ones on the internet... None from down here sadly. I never really adjusted... Next year is my last year anyways so if I make the friends I have even closer then awesome, if not well... I'm going to live with Kaitie anyways....

Sigh. I just have a habit of closing myself off from society anyways when moving to a new place, but you'd think that after 6 months... wow has it really been that long? Yes actually almost exactly... we moved here I think on the 19th, though I didn't join school again til February... Sad.

Anyways. Still no job... No where within a decent distance is hiring. I miss having money... I miss my friends. I really miss my job. But whatever. I enjoy my time on the internet... That seems to be the only life I have anyways.

My mother is getting worse, though she won't admit it. She literally told me straight to my face that I didn't love her anymore and I was so tempted just to tell her straight out that I didn't. I'm so sick of her bullshit anyways. Why should I respect someone that doesn't respect me, parent or not.

Well that's enough for this post. I have two more but they won't nearly be as long.

The lying bastards all of them

Ah my first post of summer vacation... I still don't have internet... I'm stealing from a library. Not much has happened this past month.. wow has it been that long already? Anyways... I foundout that max has been lying to me this whole time... hell that picture there isn't even him. Damn and i thought he was sexy... >.<>.< Damnit max why oh why do you have to be a freshman!?